Monday, March 16, 2009

Scripture Memory Challenge - Verse #6

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
~ Romans 12:12

True to form, when I chose this passage, it was because of its significance in my own faith walk. I need to confess I’ve been struggling a little bit the past few weeks.

After asking for prayer for my surgery, and having such a smooth procedure…I very quickly wanted to say thank you and let everyone know I was doing fine, and I was…for a few days. The week after my surgery, I developed a lung infection in the form of bronchitis. I saw my doctor, received a strong antibiotic and assumed I would be better in short order. To be completely honest, I didn’t want to seem like a whiner or complainer, so I opted not to mention it here. (Mistake #1) I finished the antibiotic and was disappointed to find I was no better. My doctor ordered a different antibiotic. I was still in the midst of taking this one when my 2 week surgical leave from work ended.

While my surgery itself was healing perfectly, there was only a slight improvement in my bronchitis. I had not been resting well, which only compounded the problem. However, my job is relatively low-stress and I was not contagious by this time, so I went back to work as planned last Monday. (Mistake #2). By Friday, with two days left on the antibiotic cycle, it felt as though it was getting worse again.

By last night, I was not only sick, but also tired, discouraged and in full-out meltdown mode. (My poor hubby.) I took a hot bath and went to bed very early and prayed for a restful night. (Praise the Lord, I did indeed sleep very well.) This morning, I went back to the doctor who prescribed a new round of antibiotics and also gave me a cortisone injection.

Can I tell you what really bothers me about all this? What it has revealed about my true nature. First, I’m not nearly as strong as I like to believe, but much worse than that? My pride kept me from revealing my weakness and admitting my need. I’ve always looked at life with an optimistic point of view. I try to find a blessing in every situation. Nothing wrong with that. There is, however, something wrong when I can’t admit my typical outlook has taken a bit of a down turn, that I don’t feel much like rejoicing and that I’m downright frustrated. Why is it I’m so fearful of scaring people off by appearing too needy?

When the Lord lead me to this verse, I quickly realized I had failed miserably at following His formula. Though I was trying to keep up the appearance of joyful hope, its lack was quite evident. I had NOT been patient in affliction, nor had I been as faithful to prayer as I should have. Ouch. Needless to say, the Lord and I have spent a good bit of time together today to remedy this situation. As of tonight, I can honestly say I’m feeling a bit of improvement in my physical symptoms. Even more important, through the course of this day, the Lord has restored my joy. As I remain faithful in prayer, I’m trusting Him to help me be a more patient, patient. = )

I’m humbling myself before Him and you and asking for your prayers but also your forgiveness. For someone who says she wants to be “real” with you, I haven’t shown much evidence of that in the last couple of weeks. I pray the Lord keeps me faithful to sharing my heart as time goes on…even if that means revealing my ugly stuff. I thank Him for you and how He challenges me continually through you.


Becky said...

Love this post and how you open your heart and share it with the rest of us. Thank you!

Hope you're all better soon!

:) Becky

Just a little something from Judy said...

After reading your blog, I just want you to know that we are all with you. We all have the ugly stuff, the lack of patience, the questions, the heartaches...thank you for sharing. I am so sorry that you have had to go through all of those circumstances. I am also thankful for God's continuous mercy and you and to all of us.

Special K said...

I am new to your blog...but I will pray...i hope you feel better...thanks for sharing your heart...

Marsha said...

Bless your heart! Hope you feel better soon and your soul finds refreshment.

Alexis said...

Tracy, thank you for letting it all hang out! I am praying for you RIGHT NOW - that you be fully restored and back to your healthy self soon. I'm also praying that you not beat yourself up too much about your inability to appear needy. We women tend to do that from time to time (or day to day! haha!) When I'm down, the last thing I want to do is bring others down with me - I can SO relate. Bless you for being you :)

Anonymous said...

Tracy, my prayers are with you, and I totally empathize. I'm the same way! Needless to say, what a great lesson for all of us to learn and ponder on today.

Hoping and praying you're feeling 100% very soon!


Becky said...

I've heard there is a really virulent bug going around that is rather difficult to get rid of.

Glad you're on the mend!

Laurie Ann said...

Oh, the lessons we learn! Tracy, thank you for sharing this with us. I love that you are able to be so open about this and perhaps keep one of us from making the same mistake. There are some roads we are just not meant to walk alone, and it doesn't speak of our weakness or of being needy. It speaks of our trust and ability to receive encouragement and prayers from like-minded believers. I will most definitely be praying for your healing. Much love to you!

Kimm at Reinvented said...

Girl, you don't need to apologize, you just need to rest and get better! :)
You are in my prayers. take care.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

There's nothing like suffering in our flesh (big and small) to bring us to the root of our humanness. When I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago, I developed a terrible infection post surgery. It landed me in the hospital for 5 additional days, and I nearly lost my life. During that time, I was at my lowest point, hardly able to lift my head, much less my heart! Still and yet, it was a season of getting real before God, and I felt his intmacy in a very close way.

Take heart, dear friend. You are not a fake. Sometimes God leads us to these places to make us more completely his. It's not a bad thing to get real. It's what He's truly after.

love and peace to you~elaine

Tracy said...

Oh Tracy, I had no idea! And hosting all of those people overnight and for breakfast! I thought you didn't look quite 100% ,but then we waited up late for all to arrive.=) I hope seeing the Academy people did bring some joy to you. I'm sorry you didn't see your own sweet son,though.
It is hard being vulnerable and asking for help, I know. I learned the hard way too, although I never could articulate it as well as you can! Thankyou for sharing this hard-learned lesson. Praying for you dear one!

Melanie said...

Oh, Tracy.. such an open and honest post! I can so relate as I have a tendency to try to "be tough" and fight thru it all -- all the while trying not to have to admit that I feel terrible, or that I am struggling with a situation, or whatever the "issue" may be at that time.

I'm so sorry that you've been fighting all these physical ailments the last few weeks. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Tricia said...

Oh Tracy... I am so sorry you have been so sick and have had such a rough time. I pray that by now you are much better and well on your way to a full recovery.

Thank you for being so transparent and for sharing with us what the Lord has been teaching and showing you. His Word definitely is a mirror isn't it? And one that sometimes we would rather not look into... How wonderful that our Father is so gracious and compassionate...