Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
~ Romans 12:12
True to form, when I chose this passage, it was because of its significance in my own faith walk. I need to confess I’ve been struggling a little bit the past few weeks.
After asking for prayer for my surgery, and having such a smooth procedure…I very quickly wanted to say thank you and let everyone know I was doing fine, and I was…for a few days. The week after my surgery, I developed a lung infection in the form of bronchitis. I saw my doctor, received a strong antibiotic and assumed I would be better in short order. To be completely honest, I didn’t want to seem like a whiner or complainer, so I opted not to mention it here. (Mistake #1) I finished the antibiotic and was disappointed to find I was no better. My doctor ordered a different antibiotic. I was still in the midst of taking this one when my 2 week surgical leave from work ended.
While my surgery itself was healing perfectly, there was only a slight improvement in my bronchitis. I had not been resting well, which only compounded the problem. However, my job is relatively low-stress and I was not contagious by this time, so I went back to work as planned last Monday. (Mistake #2). By Friday, with two days left on the antibiotic cycle, it felt as though it was getting worse again.
By last night, I was not only sick, but also tired, discouraged and in full-out meltdown mode. (My poor hubby.) I took a hot bath and went to bed very early and prayed for a restful night. (Praise the Lord, I did indeed sleep very well.) This morning, I went back to the doctor who prescribed a new round of antibiotics and also gave me a cortisone injection.
Can I tell you what really bothers me about all this? What it has revealed about my true nature. First, I’m not nearly as strong as I like to believe, but much worse than that? My pride kept me from revealing my weakness and admitting my need. I’ve always looked at life with an optimistic point of view. I try to find a blessing in every situation. Nothing wrong with that. There is, however, something wrong when I can’t admit my typical outlook has taken a bit of a down turn, that I don’t feel much like rejoicing and that I’m downright frustrated. Why is it I’m so fearful of scaring people off by appearing too needy?
When the Lord lead me to this verse, I quickly realized I had failed miserably at following His formula. Though I was trying to keep up the appearance of joyful hope, its lack was quite evident. I had NOT been patient in affliction, nor had I been as faithful to prayer as I should have. Ouch. Needless to say, the Lord and I have spent a good bit of time together today to remedy this situation. As of tonight, I can honestly say I’m feeling a bit of improvement in my physical symptoms. Even more important, through the course of this day, the Lord has restored my joy. As I remain faithful in prayer, I’m trusting Him to help me be a more patient, patient. = )
I’m humbling myself before Him and you and asking for your prayers but also your forgiveness. For someone who says she wants to be “real” with you, I haven’t shown much evidence of that in the last couple of weeks. I pray the Lord keeps me faithful to sharing my heart as time goes on…even if that means revealing my ugly stuff. I thank Him for you and how He challenges me continually through you.